"I really wanted him to just die..."

My son and I went to a different al-anon group last night. It was a last minute decision to go and he was unhappy that I did not give him notice, but he accompanied me just the same. Gratefully the lead was given by a man who grew up with an alcoholic father. The room was in fact full of adult children of alcoholics and as we went around the circle and more people gave their comments on the lead's story it became apparent to me that I really had no idea who my oldest son had become because of his fathers alcoholism. The lady sitting next to him said when talking about her father: "I really wanted him to just die so the hurting would stop. But then I would feel guilty for having such terrible thoughts about someone I was supposed to love." My son looked knowingly at me, because not two weeks prior he had said something almost identical to that to me about his feelings for his father. My eyes teared up over the course of the meeting because I knew this was the meeting that could change his life if he allowed it to.

After the meeting I stayed around and made small talk while my son was approached by the next to youngest at the meeting, a guy in his 20's who had grown up with an alcoholic father. They spoke briefly and my oldest was smiling and being honest and opening up a little bit.

As we left I was careful not to pry asking only; 'So what do ya think ?' To my delight he said, "This meeting was great. I wouldn't mind coming back every Tuesday with you, if you wanted." And as I let one tear go he hugged me, embarrassed at my showing of emotion and we both went home feeling a little closer to happiness and to each other.