Why O' why
is it always at night
that my husband and son
choose to fight?
Can't they see
don’t they know
their piss and venom
make me want to go.
don’t they know
their piss and venom
make me want to go.
I cannot sleep peacefully
I cannot be still
when all I feel
is their ill will.
I cannot be still
when all I feel
is their ill will.
It gets inside me
through my ears
travels in my bloodstream
attacks my fears.
through my ears
travels in my bloodstream
attacks my fears.
Screaming and shouting
slamming of doors
stomping and posturing
to see who can push more.
slamming of doors
stomping and posturing
to see who can push more.
The tragedy is
they both want respect
yet lack the ability
to have any regret.
they both want respect
yet lack the ability
to have any regret.
And so it has been
as I prepare to slumber
my son and his father
prepare to rumble.
as I prepare to slumber
my son and his father
prepare to rumble.
I pretend to sleep
so as not to get pulled in
closing my eyes
wishing for it to end.
so as not to get pulled in
closing my eyes
wishing for it to end.
Within moments of the battle
my room is invaded
the enemy is here
and I recognize their faces.
my room is invaded
the enemy is here
and I recognize their faces.
How to defend
the ones you love
when the fight is not a battle
you are prepared to trudge.
the ones you love
when the fight is not a battle
you are prepared to trudge.
And in the dark of my room,
in the shadow of my bed
I wonder to myself
'what is in their heads.'
in the shadow of my bed
I wonder to myself
'what is in their heads.'
The scars are so noticeable
they hold them out there to see
they scream in our faces
"something is wrong with me".
they hold them out there to see
they scream in our faces
"something is wrong with me".
So I ask God
or the universe
or even the earth
how does one love
a heart that is so angry and hurt.
a heart that is so angry and hurt.
(Photo Credit: Album Cover Art for Tears for Fears)
26 comments:
Cat, loving someone who is so angry and hurt is difficult. But I also realize that the angry person is sick, just as I am sick with my own problems. I have a great deal of compassion for animals that are hurt, so I can also have compassion for my fellows who are suffering.
A great album all round.
They actually met at a thereapy group- both of them had difficult childhoods, in Bath of all places.
By their third album, their music had kind of allowed thenm to move on from their initial angsts, but they had since discovered they hated eachothers guts.
I'm not sure, but I think they still don't speak.
I think my favorite track on this album is 'Laid so low'.
Peace be with you, Cat.
I'm sorry about the tempest in your home right now. I don't know what to say except I care and look for your post every day. My prayers go out for all of you. jeNN
Fights always erupt at night. Seems to be dysfunctional family rule #9.
Rule #10. Mom is the only one who can't get to sleep afterwards.
It takes strength to pretend to sleep. I find it painful to stay in the background when my over whelming urge is to grab my child and run away.
I try to remind my self that I have my style of communication that is different from others. What I perceive as venom, to them might only be words.
My first wife was Israeli and my current wife is Moroccan. Both from the Middle East. They have hot tempers and seem to lack the ability to think before they speak.
For my sanity and my kid’s sake, I will choose some one who believes in my style of communication the next time.
Sweetie, the conflict is draining and confronting, I know.
Just remember they are not doing it deliberately to hurt you and I bet they have no idea how much it hurts you to have them fighting.
Sweetie, I have no words of advice only love for you and a prayer for peace. Wait, I feel advice bubbling up - what if you took a sleep aid to get through the evening. One Ativan can do miracles, not the least of which is giving you a step back from the realities of an emotionally exhausting household.
Either way, peace be to you and your husband and son. Growing pains are called that for a reason and he is angrily asserting his self. I hope he will realize soon that he doesn't have to be angry to be independent.
I wonder why they bring it in the room with the girl?
Maybe you could say "everytime y'all argue, I'm going to the movies" Then when they start, you could say "Yahoo-movie time" and drive off.
At least you would not have to witness it.
I'm being light hearted-but I know it's so difficult to be a witness to that....I just wonder why the bring it in front of you.
I like Pam's idea. I am sorry that this is happening your manner in sharing it with your poem is amazing, what a poem and form to share this in...so amazing. I hope that things get better and know that I'm sending you prayers.
Hugs,
G~*
I want to tell you that I get glimpses of my eight year olds raging temper and anger and I fear for him, me and oh gosh, I am actually really concerned what will happen with all that anger when he gets big?
I know this doesn't help you in any way and I'm sorry - but just knowing that there are other people out there who have an angry boy - it makes me feel less alone.
It's horrible and scary...even when it starts off small and grows large.
Oh Cat, why do I sometimes get the feeling from your blog, that you are having the "perfect life".
Then a couple days later feel the arguing, the uncertainties, the frightful fighting. And I feel the fear, the misery, the pain, the hurt. And I'd just want to hide from it, deny it, runaway from it.
I'm so sorry you have turmoil in your life. Guess I've "been there" too many years, and age has now mellowed me, and most of the people I know.
Peace, and Love, Cat.
Sincerely,
steveroni
yet one does love, no matter the pain and hurt... the need, the want, to fix and help is great. yet, let go, let go, let go, easy to say, so hard to do. hugs and love for you from me are floating through the airwaves...
My daughter and Paul used to try to drag me kicking and screaming into the middle of it. It's always a no win situation, if you side with one or the other, you love the one you didn't side with less...at least to their understanding. They really don't see they're hurting you in the midst of it all. You love them both how could it not hurt.
I think Lou hit it on the nail. Me? I ended up in therapy when in the end it was those two who needed it. Finally I just said enough. They have to learn to work it out amongst themselves, they can't look for a scapegoat...which is why they always come looking for you.
Sending positive vibes, serenity, love your way dear friend. (Hugs)Indigo
Beautifully written. I hope it helped to get it out. I'm sorry you are going through all of this. You are amazing and are doing great. Keep up the good work you are doing for you!
I know this is going to sound like a whole bunch of crap, but there is something I read, recently, that comes to mind. "Human beings are happiest when they are active and creative, when they feel they are contributing something to the world."
Both of them need to focus their energy elsewhere than on each other. They each need to find their 'happy'. They need to give YOU peace.
Hello Cat! I am here from a comment you made on Indigo's blog and I am so grateful I found you! I too am dealing with alcoholic/addicts and recovering in Al-Anon. It's been a life saver and a life-savor of a program for me! I look forward to getting to know you thru your writing! Blessings and hope! Lisa
Feeling for you, hope you are well.
Your post brought back memories of what it was like living through my parent's hell in the mid '80's. I used to hide in my bed with the covers over my head to drown out the fighting. The good news is that was able to be worked out. They are still together and happy. And it can be healed with your husband and son, too. In the meantime, I am thinking of you.
and your peom reminds me of what it was like growing up as well. I hope this stage of life passes by quickly for you and them.
Tears For Fears brings to mind that song Mad World which was covered and made no 1 in christmas 2002/4 the last one which I was drinking, I was in the lowest place in my life that christmas.
I hope the rest of my life never falls that low again.
It's tough to be around anyone in a feud.. but two feuding males bucking for attention and stature.. is a whole other mess. I know this from first hand experience. My Father was never very good at telling me what I needed or wanted to hear in regards to life and growing up - he just wasn't interested. It was me screaming and causing trouble - waving my arms around for attention that was part of the pain a lot of times. Finally I gave up and haven't seen or spoken to him in a very long time.
These guys have to figure something out.. they 'inadvertently' come into the room where you are for so many reasons I think. They are looking for someone to tell them to stop the fighting, which is what they really want anyway - and perhaps they need that female energy to feed into the rage. It would help ground them, even if all they were going to do was continue the anger.
I know you are strong enough to get through this - but these guys have to realize that they are detracting from a life that is not that long, and one that we are set here to learn from. Much love to you all.
It's so hard to in the middle nowhere to run.
oh gawd I remember some of the fights from years gone by.It still pains my heart to think back-but boundaries help change all of that.Fighting is unacceptable and only thickens the plot to fight more.I wish your home the courage to change..odaat...I know that is an over used slogan but damn it .. it works.
xoxo
I feel sorry for the little boy in the photo. No lil' kid should suffer anything more serious than a scraped knee.
I do believe Mothers feel differently than fathers and we end up with the sleepless nights.
I agree with Jiggins! i think they need your female presence to help ground them and maybe hear those words stop fighting.. One day they will see each others pain as a healing stone after time i am sure.. just hang in there and remind them that they love each other, other wise they wouldnt be fighting so hard for common ground!
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